I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
