dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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