you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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