it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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