I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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