So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
