420 ftw
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
