Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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