do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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