I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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