Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Randomize
