I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
