I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
