I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
