Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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