every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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