was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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