You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
