I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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