I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
