Your tits are I can't wait for
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
