omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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