Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
