Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
