So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
