Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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