Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
