put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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