You're my little dorito
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
50% drunk capacity currently
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
