My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture