just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her