my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.