Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
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Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.