Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
