Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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