i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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