i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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