The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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