i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
