but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
