I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
