I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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