Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
