Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
