There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
