I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
