i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize