i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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