the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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