yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
