oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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