Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
