No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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