guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
