actually, I'm a sock model
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
