enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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