this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
