They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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