how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
