Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
