It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
