I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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