Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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