Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
