on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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