She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
