I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
