last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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