my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have feelings that need drinking.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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