I'm going to jail i love you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
