I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
