Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
