Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
