can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
