I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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