I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He passed out mid-signature
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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