I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
