Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
