well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
